We went on this boy scout overnight trip and got to spend the night in a church-owned building. It was pretty freaking amazing.
Occupants of the godly house- Betsey, Mika, Hope, Nathan, Ryan Chapman, Ted, Jared Flacker, Conner, Kyle… and probably a couple more I forgot about.
Occupants of the godly house- Betsey, Mika, Hope, Nathan, Ryan Chapman, Ted, Jared Flacker, Conner, Kyle… and probably a couple more I forgot about.
So Ryan Chapman’s mom was going on to him and Betsey about something when I happened to see the most amazing thing that could ever in the history of everness be contained inside of a church:
A movie called “Good Sex”.
Seriously.
Mrs. Chapman- “So, we’re just dawdling because we know how much you love our company….”
I elbow Betsey and point when I’m sure his mom won’t see.
After they leave the room…
Betsey- “Ryan- second shelf on the end. The VHS case.”
Chapman- “Oh my…WHAT?”
So we proceeded to show everyone.
“What kind of name for a porno is “Good Sex”? I mean, No Tell Motel is at least creative.”
“I think it’s supposed to be educational,”
“Hmmm, let’s see-” Chapman flips it over. “‘The story of a firefighter who doesn’t fight fires’,”
“Quick, they’re coming back-”
Later…
“What should we do with it?”
“Put it in the fridge!”
“HA! Somebody should go get a soda and just scream as loud as they can,”
“No, let one of the adults find it later.”
“Put some play dough in there, too.”
“Why play dough?”
“Just do it!”
A movie called “Good Sex”.
Seriously.
Mrs. Chapman- “So, we’re just dawdling because we know how much you love our company….”
I elbow Betsey and point when I’m sure his mom won’t see.
After they leave the room…
Betsey- “Ryan- second shelf on the end. The VHS case.”
Chapman- “Oh my…WHAT?”
So we proceeded to show everyone.
“What kind of name for a porno is “Good Sex”? I mean, No Tell Motel is at least creative.”
“I think it’s supposed to be educational,”
“Hmmm, let’s see-” Chapman flips it over. “‘The story of a firefighter who doesn’t fight fires’,”
“Quick, they’re coming back-”
Later…
“What should we do with it?”
“Put it in the fridge!”
“HA! Somebody should go get a soda and just scream as loud as they can,”
“No, let one of the adults find it later.”
“Put some play dough in there, too.”
“Why play dough?”
“Just do it!”
Then we watched The Dark Night.
*WHAP*
“You just got whacked with the BFDD.”
“The what?”
“The Big Floppy Donkey Dick.”
“Oh.”
*WHAP*
*WHAP*
“You just got whacked with the BFDD.”
“The what?”
“The Big Floppy Donkey Dick.”
“Oh.”
*WHAP*
Notice: The following views or opinions expressed by Ted Williams in the following excerpt are not those of the poster of this blog, but the poster of this blog finds this rather hilarious.
Ted- “So if we let immigrants into our country, most of them will probably be black. Our sperm banks are overflowing and we cannot afford any more sperm. This, the overload of sperm in our sperm banks, is the biggest issue in America today. If we let them in our country, then aids will spread and everyone in America will go down to the sperm bank and get aids. Therefore, open borders= aids.”
Ted- “So if we let immigrants into our country, most of them will probably be black. Our sperm banks are overflowing and we cannot afford any more sperm. This, the overload of sperm in our sperm banks, is the biggest issue in America today. If we let them in our country, then aids will spread and everyone in America will go down to the sperm bank and get aids. Therefore, open borders= aids.”
Later-
Ted- “Betsey! Shut up! I swear to god your voice makes me want to rape a gerbil!”
Even later-
“Ryan, who in this room would you bang?”
“Everyone. Ted, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to give Nathan a lap dance.”
“Nathan, get in the chair.”
Ted- “Betsey! Shut up! I swear to god your voice makes me want to rape a gerbil!”
Even later-
“Ryan, who in this room would you bang?”
“Everyone. Ted, truth or dare?”
“Dare.”
“I dare you to give Nathan a lap dance.”
“Nathan, get in the chair.”
5 mins later-
“This would be so much funner upstairs.”
“Why? Because house rules say we’re not allowed up there?”
“Exactly.”
An hour later-
Me- “Look what I just found in my purse,”
Nathan- “….WHAT??”
Me- Betsey and I bought it at Borders. I forgot I had it with me.”
Betsey- “Way to bring a sex book to a church, there, Shell-Bee.”
Nathan- “Let me see,”
Me- *points to chapter entitled, ‘To Swallow or Not to Swallow’*
Nathan- “…OH MY GOD! AH!”
“This would be so much funner upstairs.”
“Why? Because house rules say we’re not allowed up there?”
“Exactly.”
An hour later-
Me- “Look what I just found in my purse,”
Nathan- “….WHAT??”
Me- Betsey and I bought it at Borders. I forgot I had it with me.”
Betsey- “Way to bring a sex book to a church, there, Shell-Bee.”
Nathan- “Let me see,”
Me- *points to chapter entitled, ‘To Swallow or Not to Swallow’*
Nathan- “…OH MY GOD! AH!”
A few minutes later…
“Whatcha doing?”
“Taking pictures of my sex book in various places inside the house of god.”
“Oh. Well, tell me when you get bored.”
“Oh, I won’t be!”
*CLICK*
“Whatcha doing?”
“Taking pictures of my sex book in various places inside the house of god.”
“Oh. Well, tell me when you get bored.”
“Oh, I won’t be!”
*CLICK*
