Cooking Bears VS. Flying Mooses
or as Elena calls them, Flying Meese.
Yes, this is still going on. We'll never give up until one of us wins or the other gives up. and I don't plan on loosing/giving up.
We were in math, and Draper and I, once again, began to act out how we were going to kill each other. I don't remember what she said, but I proceeded to discuss my murder plans.
"...and then I used them to decorate my christmas tree and cut off your hands to make wings for my angel tree-topper. Oh, and then while I was unwrapping my presents and watching gleefully as your blood spilled down my tree, my cooking bears came in and served me ginger bread cookies. Because bears still work in kitchens."
"Well, you know what, Shelby? I'll feed your bears poisonous turnips! What will they do THEN, HUH?"
"GASP! You know how much bears like beets..."
"...I didn't say anything about beets,"
"So since turnips LOOK like beets, I'll just have to inform them to stay away from any beet-looking sort of food. And they can always make OTHER stuff to eat, since they work in kitchens."
Draper thought for a moment.
"Yeah, well... little do they know that I... put a bucket of... water- yes, water- on the frame of the door, and when they open it, they'll get... WET!"
She laughed. and laughed.
"But my bears know NOW, and they won't even open the door- they'll bash it down with their big giant bear-paws."
"...but they'll still get wet."
"Well, they drink the water first. DUH."
"In that case, I'll be waiting for them at their house with A SHOTGUN!"
"...but it's not bear season."
"...So?"
"You can't shoot bears if it's not bear season."
"...do you think I care?"
"anyways, their house is protected by a bullet-proof dome."
"But they have to get out of their car to get IN to the bullet proof dome!"
"Nope. Their car, which is also bullet proof, is the only thing that can penetrate the dome. and it can fly."
"...WELL, I get out my FLYING CARPET that I got from Harry Potter and chase down your car!"
"but I unraveled your flying carpet so you can't do that anymore."
"oh, but that was only my BACKUP flying carpet!"
"that would explain why my bears found two of them."
"oh, there were more than two."
"....that would explain why my bears found... ALL of them."
"No, I hid them where you would never think to look- and I'll find that kitchen of yours!"
"Think again! it's in a parallel universe!"
The notes I took during this say, 'smoke! bad for you!! don't believe! POISON!', and though I don't remember what they meant, I know Draper said them, so I'm going to infer that it went something like this-
"That's what THEY want you to believe! The government, they tell you LIES, like that smoking is bad for you! Don't believe them when they say it's all poison, because IT ISN'T!"
[Correct me if I'm wrong, Dr. Ape.]
From here, I took DETAILED notes, so, I remember.
"You'll never win."
"Really? and what makes you think that, Draper?"
"You know who's on my side?"
I waited for her to tell me, although I already knew the answer. It was all she ever talked about.
"IT'S THE FLYING MOOSES!"
I turned away, using my hand to block my view of her.
"YOU KNOW IT'S TRUE, SHELBY! Bear weren't meant to be in kitchens, BUT MOOSES FLY!"
I ignored her, continuing to do my work like a good little student.
"and you know who their sidekicks are? THE FLYING SQUIRRELS FROM AFRICA!" [this reminds me of Isabel today. I'll explain at the bottom of the page. :D]
I slammed my hand down and turned to face her matter-of-factly.
"Well, I went and ran over all of your mooses and sent Boo Radley after the squirrels. NOW WHAT CAN YOU DO NOW? ALL YOUR MOOSES ARE DEAD!"
"YEAH? WELL, I HAD A SECRET MOOSE! IN MY BASEMENT! and in a secret steel... wall bank... which the door to is hidden in the desert. Your bears aren't crafty enough and are too STUPID to get down to my basement to KILL my secret moose. Also, they don't have imposable thumbs... which moose obviously do."
You know what?
BEARS STILL WORK IN KITCHENS.
Also, the thing with Isabel...
She was improvving [don't know how to spell it without making it say IMPROVING, so I added an extra V.] her lines for theater and she was on a "phone" and all of a sudden she yells,
"I HAVE TO GO- there's a DROWNING WHALE IN AFRICA!"
She flees the room and returns with messed up hair.
'twas tres mucho entertaining. :D
Also, bears WILL work in kitchens, Draper.
I'll make sure of it.
