Betsey's Bible, part one.

Manners? WHAT manners?

also, because of this, Mrs. Veigel said i was going to hell, so Draper said to please her, i must locate a level ten fire staff in order to redeem my sins.
if you see one just lying around anywhere, let me know. =/

Magic Turtle Sex

We're sitting in science, and all of a sudden, Ian goes,
"If you were a magical turtle, what would you do?"
I pondered this for a moment.
"I'd mate with OTHER magical turtles, just to see how they DO IT."
and went directly back to working.
"...that's- well, I meant super powers or something."
"Well, I'd rather mate with other turtles."
There was a scraping noise as Ian inched his desk away from mine. Then I realized I still had an unanswered question.
"...how DO they do it, anyways?"

this is my magical turtle.
that's right. be jealous.

Haunted TB Hospital

We’re on the road to the TB Hospital for Draper’s birthday party! :D
It’s this old, haunted hotel that use to be a tuberculosis hospital. I’m pretty freaking stoked.

---later---
We were just in Winco, and when we were at the checkout counter, I asked Draper’s mom what I could do to help because, as I was told, I suck at bagging. …haha. That sounds nasty. ;]

“Um… Sing to us.”
“…YES! Wait, really?”
“Go for it.”
“…REALLY think about this before you actually let me.”
“Sing, Shelby! Sing to your heart’s content!”

My song went a little something like this…
“DRAPER!
With her irish eyes and her red hair-
Oh, DRAPER!
With her drinking problem
And her drug addictions-
When she doesn’t have a needle in her arm,
She’s got a bottle in her hand!
Oh, DRAPER!
With her 24 abused children,
All from different fathers-
AND THAT’S JUST WHEN SHE’S BEING CAREFUL!”

In front of all the staring people of Winco.
She loved it.
Then, when we got in the car, Betsey told me to make my boobs sing it to her again, by pressing them together, like they were talking.
“oh, DRAPER!
With curlers in her hair-
At least put your dentures in if WE’RE GONNA GET IT ON!”

Then, we went into the gas station, and they had Extenze… FOR WOMEN.
:D
I had a great conversation with the lady at the counter about what it does- only, Betsey and Draper dragged me out of there before we were done talking.
“I thought I told you not to talk while we were in there!”
“But I didn’t. It was my boobs talking.”
Well… maybe there’s a reason they don’t want me to talk in public places. =/

---Later---
Draper just stuck a cheeto up her nose.
Now we’re trying to see how many things we can fit up there.
…Ew. This is getting kind of gross. =/
---Later---
“I hate you.”
“You know, I just decided that one of these days, I’m going to shave your hear and super glue a clown wig to your scalp while you’re asleep. Don’t think I won’t, I know you’re a heavy sleeper.”
---later---
There are no women in Florida.
Did you know that?
Well, now you do.

---later---
So, the basement was the freakiest. It was in total ruins. Well, for the most part. And there’s a door with no lock on it, but yet, it locks from the inside. So, you’re not allowed to shut it.
Also, the hallway has been known for a little girl to be seen there. And also, a little boy at the top of the stairs.
It’s WAY cool. And the unfinished part of the hotel, the part that’s still hospital-like, is like, covered with creepy old-fashioned toys.
It’s SUPER spooky ooky. D:
I love it.
Also, according to Betsey, the caretaker guy thinks we’re all lesbian. =/

---later---
“Frying pans aren’t just for cooking. If your man ever hits you, BRAIN HIM OVER THE HEAD with it. NEVER forget that when you get married.”
“Okay, Mrs. Draper’s mom…”
“THEY’RE NOT JUST FOR COOKING!”

---later---
THE NEXT DAY…
We’re watching a movie called Pandemic, which is probably the lamest thing since… something lame. =/
The three of us could write a WAY better movie.
There’s a guy riding a horse in the beginning, and then the guy falls off the horse and dies.
Now, if we were in charge…
There’s a guy riding a horse, and all of a sudden, the horse knocks him off and tramples him. And, the horse is wearing silver roller blades.
The horse starts talking while he’s beating the crap out of this guy.
“OH! What now, B**ch? Take THAT!”
then, the horse wheels away. And. The guy throws up in his own cowboy hat.
And then puts it back on.

---later---
oh, and also, draper is going to live in the creepy attic here and raise chickens.
=/

THE END! :D