Our house flooded last night.

seriously.
no joke here.

i have 0 time to discuss this, but long story short, our towels have died by drowning and our house is without water- which i have heard somewhere is the source of life.
-.-

cause you're my prison bitch,
my prison bitch,
and i have no regrets.
i got you for a candy bar
and a pack of cigarettes-

sorry. lack of running water has made me go a bit insane.

moral support or a shower would be nice...
just a thought, there.

My False Reality

I step along, trying
Not to fall in.
The raging waters soar beneath me,
Beckoning me to
Submerge myself
Into desire.
It's so easy to fall
When the rocks have already been
Drenched
With the blood of my
Willpower,
Daring me to slip.
I tell myself I want to
Resist, but
It's quite obvious that
I don't want to.
I want to become soaked in
The utter

Ambience,

Feeling the liquid
Work its magic,
Prying my eyes open and letting me
See the world
As it should be-
Even though I know it's just an

i l l u s i o n.

I close my eyes and
Let myself

F

A

L

L

From the safety of the
Stepping stones
Only to discover
That the river
Has run
D r y.
I weep as I
Realize that
I may never be able to
Return
To my
False
Reality
Ever again.

Oddish doesn't spray water.

so we were doing this skit thingymerbobber in speech and everyone mrs. van diepan had go up there kind of- well, were too embarrassed to do much.

Sam- [who was actually trying] "okay- places, places, people- let's get this rap video done."
Joeseph-[not wanting to sing] "errhm.. i can't- *doubles over*"
Sam- "and that would be WHY?"
joeseph- "um- i don't feel well. i think i have...rabies."
Sam- *sigh* "fine."
Victor- *trying to be inconspicuos*
Sam- "victor, you're our new singer."
Victor- "um..."
Victor- *falls over dead*
Sam- *looks at joeseph*
Joeseph- "....rabies."

so after she gave us a talk about going up there and not giving a crap, she called on me and nin to demonstrate.
Mrs. Van Diepan- "okay- um... how about you guys are-"
Kenzie- "POKEMON TRAINERS!"
Nin + me- "YES!"
Mrs. Van Diepan- "*sigh* okay, go."

Nin- "pikachu, i choose YOU!"
*chucks pikachu slipper in my direction*
Me- "pikachu, i choose you MORE!"
*chucks pikachu slipper at head*
nin- "IS THAT ALL YOU GOT??"
Me- "SUPER COMMIE POWER ATTACK!"
Nin- "yeah, well- Volpix! i choose you!"
me- "oh no you DIDN'T!"
Nin- "oddish! spray her with- WATER!"
me- "...oddish doesn't spray water,"
Nin- "...ODDISH, GO!"
Me- *chucks OTHER pikachu slipper at head* "oh! take THAT!

then i got a brainblast and began quoting a smosh video.
Me- i am the pokemon master! I am the pokemon MASTER! BWAHAHAHA."
nin caught on to my smosh quote and added one of her own.

Nin- "POOOOOOOKEMON, anthony! POOOOOOOKEMON!"
Me- "you wanna know WHAT?"
nin- "WHAT?"
Me- "you're loosing your HAIR!"
nin- *gasp* "JUST LIKE DICK CHENEY!"
*colapses, cries*
me- "oh- and this isn't really a pikachu, it's-"
*aims slipper* me- "A GUN!"

then we were asked to wrap it up. when we got down from the stage, she lectured the rest of the class. "you see? that's what i want you to do. they went up there and did it, not caring about what anyone else thought."

"yeah, guise," i said, using a lisp, "be yowselff." =]

Grandpa, going senile.

So this guy is already crazy as hell, but my madre, grandmadre, and I have come to the conclusion that he's getting worse everyday.

So my mom is talking to my grandpa and he hands her this package of string cheese to take home and eat.
So mom starts to eat one-
And she realizes that it tastes rather funny- to the point where she's getting nauseous.
So she looks at the expiration date and it reads-
USE BY NOV. 21ST, 2007.

Shocked, madre ambles on in to the kitchen where she finds grandpa devouring a chicken wing and about a dozen more attachments of birds that lay eggs, mostly on farms.
I mean, literally devouring.
So mom goes, "DAD! These have been expired for almost a year now!"
Not even looking up, he goes, "they were in the freezer."

*continues to eat*

"…that doesn't make them any less dangerous! I had one and I'm not feeling to good right now."
"I guess you're right."
*chop chop, slurp slurp*
"If you aren't going to take them, put them back in the freezer, I'll eat them later."
*shocked silence*
*chop slurp*
"DAD, are you SERIOUS? Those'll kill you!"

.. ..Okay, for the record, I know it sounds like he was messing with us, but when he does that, he usually laughs between each sentence because he thinks he's so damn hilarious.
This man was NOT joking.
NOT messing around.
NOT trying to freak us out.
He was SERIOUS.
He was CEREAL.
With MILK.

"No- I don't want to waste it. It's perfectly good."
...Then he reached out and took the package, pulling out a string cheese and setting it beside his chicken, shoveling the rest into his gut with furious slurps.

Mom pulls back the package slowly.
"Um- actually, I'll just take them home and uh, eat them- if I get sick, I'll call you-"
"WELL DON'T CALL ME, CALL THE HOSPITAL, MOLLY!"

"Dad, are you doing okay?"

Then he proceeded to choke on a chicken wing.
I can imagine bits of cooked bird and old man spit flew everywhere.

"Whoa, Dad! Are you…? Can I…? What can…?"
*coughchokeslurpchoke* "not- *coughslurp* I can't talk to- *slurpchokecoughgag* later- go away."
*chokegagblechcoughgag*
He stopped choking, took a moment to recover, then went at it on the chicken wing again.
Mom stood in a shocked silence before walking slowly out of the room, taking the string cheese with her.

....She asked grandma if he was doing okay, and she whispered, "It gets worse everyday."

Z's money making plots

i totally almost forgot about this.
how tragic.
well, fear no more, for i remembered it.

Draper and i were standing outside ms. bastian's room talking about one of the dances.

Me- "yeah, I'm not going."
Draper- "me neither, it's so boring."
Me- "i mean, who wants to be trapped in a room with crappy music and screaming school girls? and the dramadramadrama..."
Draper- "i know! at my old school, it was like a fad or something for people to breakup with each other, so there were all these freaks just bawling their eyes out everywhere you turned."
Me- "exactly. none of that for the tortilinie."

then, Z teleported out of nowhere[actually, his room's right next to ms. bastian's and he's always standing in front of the door looking for people to talk to.]

"but here's what you do, mallory-"
i began to wonder how long he had been standing there because i think draper and i were discussing something not-so-appropriate beforehand.
"you go to the dance, no matter how awful the music is or how much you hate the people in there-"
*adjusts glasses*
"and you watch the drama unfold before you. Now, here's where things get interesting.."

oh dear. the Z had an idea. O_O

"you watch for the warning signs of a possible break-up, for example, whispering groups of students of the same gender acting all nervous and panicked, then YOU swoop in-"

oh god.

"you see, mallory, you take pictures of these people crying because their hearts have just been ripped open by their long-lasting relationship of about two weeks[haha. that made me laugh.]. these pictures must be snapped directly in front of their face to increase anger. the more embarrassing, the better. a photo of them hitting you is worth millions. then-"
*laughs maniacally*
"then at the end of the year...."

Z paused for dramatic effect, a crafty smile played upon his face.

"then you show them these incredibly embarrassing photos and charge them- oh, i'd say about 25 bucks or more depending on the shot- to get them back. the ones that don't sell get put in an envelope that "accidentally" gets slipped under the door of the room of the yearbook staff."
*silence*

Me- "OH MY FREAKING JESUS, Z! YOU'RE FREAKING BRILLIANT!"
Z- "of course i am- yet, many refuse to listen to my genius ideas."

immediately afterward, i frolicked down to the office and bought a dance ticket.