I am from-

I am from the endless expanse of garden that

Became

[[My own private world.]] I am from stories in my

Head that were my

Own secret [[escape]] when

[[Reality]]

Threw me for a loop. I am from the

morning glories that peeked

their eyes open as I woke and

closed them again as the sun

continued its tour. I am from evenings on the back porch, sitting with grandma until the clouds turned purple. I am from greasy hamburgers,

eaten at

breakfast

lunch

and

dinner,

six days a week

for years. I am from doctor's warnings and prescribed diets, from the sight of

obesity one Christmas

that became the sight of

anorexia the next.

I am from slips that

deprived me of [[oxygen]] and

itchy dresses reserved only for the house of [[God]].

I am from [[do what they tell you]] and [[don't ask questions]], from

Believing the [[messenger]] undoubtingly

because [[god spoke through him]].

I am from the young girls, going from the bench

At Sunday school to

The arms of older men, from deceit and affairs,

Hypocrisy and cover-ups. I am from

[[Our way is the ONLY way.]]

and

[[Those are the kind of questions a sinner would ask.]]

I am from a curious kindergartener

treated like a criminal

once a week, from

a family not

spoken of when

at church. I am from

a grandmother who

spent half of her

married life in fear

and from a man

Who abused his four

Children. I am from

[[Why do mommy and grandpa hate each other?]]

And

[[What's a dad?]]

I am from fantasies and lies used

When the teachers would ask

Questions. I am from [[Where's you mother?]]

And [[why isn't she back yet?]]

I am from salty tears and pre-rehearsed pleas,

Dreading of even a few hours without her.

I am from pounding

At

The

Door,

Disturbing the dead of night.

I am from [[the cops are here!]]

And [[how much did you drink?]] I am from [[help me find your mom's purse, dear.]] And [[it's going to be okay.]]

I am from empty bottles and

And absent mother, from [[I'm so sorry,]] and [[it was inevitable.]]

I am from harassment and

Poisoned laughter, from the

Kisses of a knife

across

a

wrist

and the warm blood that

soaked the jacket of

a young girl, hiding the marks of her own self

punishment.

I am from [[you don't have any real problems, you're just a kid!]]

And [[if you're going to cut yourself,

then just go straight for the vein

and get it over with, already.]]

and I can't unplug the constant replay in my head of,

[[if you're serious, then prove it.]]

I am from

Notes pinned to

Shirts and

The scraping of a

Chair being dragged

Across a balcony, echoing

Off the walls of an desolate gym.

I am from mascara stained Kleenexes

And call slips that bring

A face-

A face in such pain that

You remember

That it was all in the

Past, and what you

Did was

Stupid,

Selfish-

Oh, boy, girl- you were [[selfish.]]

I

Am

From

The past,

I

Am

From

Moving on,

I

Am

From

A will to live

And make things

Right,

But most of all,

I

Am

From

No regrets-

[[Only lessons learned.]]