Harold the Whale.

Tortilinie's science EOC
Yeah, you know it's not going to be about science.

Topic: Some crap about volcanoes

There once was a morbidly obese whale named Harold who nobody loved. All he wanted in life was to find his other half, but there was so much lard on his frame that there wasn't much room for another half- or even a quarter.

Harold was beaching himself one day at the local mall when he saw the most man-pretty ferret sitting on a bench eating a hostess apple pie. He approached slowly, tucking in his fat flaps as he went.
The ferret gasped at the sight of the thing before him and dropped his fruit-filled pastry into the dirt.

"I love you!" Harold proclaimed, opening his fins to prepare for hugging.

The ferret scoffed. "You are so fat and ugly! Is that your face or your arse?"

He leapt from the bench. "No one will ever love you! You know what? You're going to die alone." With that, he walked away.

You'd think that Harold would be used to this kind of thing by now, but he still burst into uncontrollable crying. He attempted to sit down on the bench and feel sorry for himself, but it broke under his mass. Instead, he ate the apple pie off the ground.

That was when he saw a dazzling Tasmanian tiger working at the hot dog stand across the boardwalk. Flopping his way over there, he prepared himself for flirtation.

"Hello," he began.

The Tasmanian tiger shrank away in disgust.

Harold cleared his throat. "You're so gorgeous, you could be extinct."

She began to tear up. "You know what? I AM! And until now, no one was heartless enough to point it out!"

Before running away, she shouted, "You're going to DIE ALONE!"

Crying, Harold proceeded to eat the hot dogs.

Then, he ate the stand.

"I guess they're right," he said between mouthfuls, "I have no reason to live. No one will EVER love me."

As if the great whale god in the sky had heard him, a she-whale flipped gracefully towards the hot dog stand. This was no ordinary she-whale- this was the most beautiful whale who ever lived to be a whale in the history of whaleness- and she was approaching HIM.

Their eyes locked and she shouted, "I LOVE YOU! I have finally found my other half!"

Harold could not believe what his gills were hearing. "I love you too!"

He raised his fins to the sky. "YOU HEAR THAT, WORLD? I'M NOT GOING TO DIE ALONE!"

…then some gangstas were doing a drive by- for some reason inside of the mall- and they hit the beautiful she-whale with their gangstamobile. Harold gaped in horror as bits and pieces of his true love splattered everywhere.

Later that day, Harold committed whaleicide. He died alone, after all, and nobody missed him. In fact, they didn't even have a funeral, but instead left him to be eaten by stray cats- all of which died of food poisoning.

The end.