So Nin comes over and there's this giant spider on my ceiling.
"DON'T KILL IT!"
"You want to put it outside? Be my guest."
"…do you have a broom to kill it with, then?"
"On the porch. Have fun."
Nin, broom in hand, begins going at it with the brushety end.
"That's not going to kill it! Use the other end."
"The other end?" *flips broom sideways*
"….THE POINTY END."
"….why?"
"The brushety end doesn't exert enough pressure to mush it into the wall. Trust me on this one."
"Well, how am I supposed to kill it with the POINTY end?"
"You aim."
"AIM??"
"Yes, aim."
"But I can't aim- OHMYGOD, THAT THING LOOKS A LOT BIGGER UP HERE…"
My phone rings and it's Dooby. Our chat is interrupted by a piercing Nin-like scream.
"IT'S DEAD! I TOLD YOU THE BRUSH END WOULD WORK!"
"Well, where'd it go?"
"Uh. Well- half of it's up here." She pointed proudly at the spot where the spider used to be.
"You flipping genius- It's probably crawling around here, half dead."
"But I ripped like, half of its body off-"
"They NEVER die,"
"…BUT I RIPPED HALF- OF- ITS- FREAKING- BODY- OFF!"
I look. "I don't see anything."
"See that? That's half of it."
"No, Nin- that's not even close to half! That was like, the Titanic of the spider world. Also, that's a chip in the paint."
Nin looked closer.
"That doesn't mean I didn't kill it,"
"But you didn't,"
"UH-HUH!"
Later, we're watching some rather disturbing Rammstien videos and I decide that we are in need of the magical force called coffee. When I walk into the kitchen, here comes this monster truck-sized spider out of my kitchen to greet me.
"OHMYGOD! BUT I KILLED IT!"
"But you didn't kill it DEAD!"
So I took matters into my own hands and beat the life out of him until he was not only killed, but killed DEAD.
"…YOU LIKE HIS PUFFY FROSTING??"
"…I said PELVIC THRUSTING."
"Oh. Okay."
"BASH! Toadstool!"
Then we watched Teeth.
Need I say more? =]
Nin- "Pssst… if I cut my hair,
*starts coughing/laughing excitedly*
Nin- "I CAN FLY!"
*chugs coffee*
Nin- "Moi! J'ai soif! Je voudras une CAFÉ!"
Me-"Is there a reason your mom doesn't let you have coffee?"
Nin-*shakes head, chugs*
Then she started dancing to Cigaro, which, for those of you who haven't heard the song, goes a little something like-
"MY COCK IS MUCH BIGGER THAN YOURS! MY COCK CAN WALK RIGHT THROUGH THE DOOR-"
Then, she moved onto-
"SUGAH!" *flails arms excitedly*
"So- how's that coffee going on in your system, there, Nin?"
"DEW DO- DAH DO DO- DO DEW! SISSA!"
She doubles over, giggling. "OHMYGOD- I SAID SISSA INSTEAD OF SUGAH! Ahahahaha…" *pauses* "…..AHAHAHAHA!"
I sit, bemused, sipping my coffee.
Nin- *places hands on forehead, wiggles fingers* "My BRAINS are comin' outta mah SKULL!"
A-Ha's "Take on Me" comes on. Nin stops dancing for a moment and gasps, as if she had an idea- which is never usually good. She runs from the room, screaming,
"WHERE'S YOUR CAT?"
"She's upstairs. Wait…. NIN, NO-"
Nin- *fills cheeks with air, pretends to swim*
Me- "Are you being a pufferfish again?"
Nin- *squeals with laughter, slaps knees*
She reaches forward. "MORE!"
I eye the coffee.
"Some?"
"I don't think you need any more coffee, Nin."
"SOME!" D:<
I held it out to her, and just because I'm mean, I pulled it back. The second time, she won.
"Don't you think you're hyper enough?"
She shook her head vigorously.
"You know that guy from Blue's Clues? The Steve guy? GETTHISGETTHISGETTHIS- he SINGS!"
"…what does he sing?"
*shrieks* "I don't know, but- HE SINGS!"
She proceeded to spin around my floor until she spilled a bit of her coffee. Dragging her butt the way a dog with worms would, she proclaims, "MUST! GET! PAPER! TOWELS!"
"We're out of paper towels,"
"Getting- CLOSER!"
I follow her into the kitchen.
"We're out. No paper towels. All gone."
Nin shook her head, still spinning in circles at my feet.
At this point, I couldn't tell if she was crying or laughing. Maybe a little of both.
"OW! AHAHAHAHA!" *falls to floor* "…Ew. It's dirty under here."
She sits up. "AHA! UNDERWEAR! AHAAHAHA…"
This made her remember another HILARIOUS joke.
"OH.MY.GOD."
Nin stood up. "What did- THE BOY MELON- say to the- GIRL MELON- right before they got married?"
"Gee, Nin- do tell."
"We CANTALOPE!"
She cracked herself up. AGAIN.
"GET IT? GET IT? Because they CAN'T ELOPE?"
A little bit later-
"YOU JEW!"
Even later-
"Check out my under bite! I'm like a monkey!"
After locating another song to screech to-
"MUTUALLY, MENTALLY MOLESTED- CHILDREN OF- SIIIIIINNN!"
-She reached for the coffee.
"More!"
"YOU DON'T NEED ANY MORE!"
"YES I DO!"
She raised her arms and started making cheeping noises, then grabbed my coffee and started… making weird noises… at it. O_O
That's the only way I know how to describe it. :/
"BLAECK! BLAECK BLAECK BLAECK!"
*holds coffee to ear*
"……..beep beep?"
*pulls back*
"BLAECK! BLAECK BLAECK BLAECK!"
…then she finally ran out.
"PPPFFFLP- I don't want to be a- CHEEK-EEN! So I'll shake my PELVIS! ALL AROUND YOUR CHAIR!"
"You left out the part about the turkey-"
"I- am pregnant! And- I have-"*picks up glue bottle* "a GLUE BABY!"
"When I grow up-" *wiggles hands on face* "I wanna be- a puhhhhferfeesh!"
*pushes eyelids back* "….LOOK AT MAH EYEBALLS!"
Nin paused for a moment and got on her "creepy face".
"Me n' Samuel are goin' to Chucky Cheese to- AHAHAHAHA!"
She didn't get halfway through the Smosh quote before bursting into hysterics again.
"….I'm getting really sick to my stomach."
"Well, I wonder why? …HOW ABOUT SOME MORE COFFEE? THAT'LL HELP!"
"Don't blame the coffee! It's probably from your- STUPID, NON-FILTERED WATER!"
"HEY! My water is the best and you know it!"
We both grin and say in sync, "My sex is the BEST."
"HA! We both said that at the SAME TIME! HIGH FIVE!"
This blog has gone on for FOUR. WHOLE. PAGES. On Microsoft Word.
So I'm going to sum up the remainder of this magical evening-
"Will you put your straw in MY milkshake?"
"I ate a grape and I JIZZED. IN. MY PANTS."
"Hurry up, Jessie- I'm freezing my butt off."
"Don't rush me, okay? It's harder to find ice sickles that fit in your nose than it looks!"
"Oh, Tedward! I'd rather DIE than live without you!"
"…..Okay!"
"I know what you are, Tedward! I'll say it!"
"FINE. Say it, then!"
"….Republican."
"No."
"…Mormon."
"No."
"…Gay."
"Why do I always get that from people???"
Yo, dis is sihlint heel,
dis a mooohvaey.
got stuhck on a heel-
a mutha fuhckan heel.
Mutha fuhckan heel.
Bitch geht outta mutha fuhckn car,
Stuhck on a mutha fuhckan heel.
Take piece of mutha fuhckan sheet,
mutha fuhckan heel,
mutha fuhckan sheet.
"AAAIIIIEEE!"
:D …don't ask. =]
Me- I'm giving birth.
Dooby- Name the child after me. Or something Asian.
Me- I dub this child- SIR DOOBY CHAI LATTE!
Dooby- >=D raise it to be a super villain! BWAAHAHA!
Me- Steal that purse, kiddo! AHA! >:D
Dooby- Give him a cracker every time he does stuff the RIGHT WAY!
Me- Yes- a ritz, for putting a red sock… IN THE WHITE CLOTHES LAUNDRY! >:D BWAHAHAHA…
Dooby- >=) This will be the end of ends. Thank you, TC's vagina.
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