Rules of the Fish Artillery Academy, part 2.

Texting Betsey, late hours of the night.

Me= Purple.
Betsey= red.

Me- "I'm not going to be an English teacher anymore. I'm majoring in Fish Artillery."
Betsey- "Well, it's so nice to see that your old dreams have faded so fast."
"You should join me, Betsey- teaching is out, fish weapons are in. And the rewards are great. Instead of grades, you get buckets of fish. It's GREAT motivation!"
"Wow. Very motivating."
"Exactly! An 'A' is worth three buckets of salmon. Failing grades get you a rotting fish head."
"Those must be very big buckets."
"They are. Quite big buckets. Rumor has it that the honor roll students get TWO buckets, but it's kept a secret because everyone else'll get jealous."
"...but I thought an A got you three...."
"....oh. Yeah. Um, well, they get DOUBLE. of COOKED salmon. We're forbidden to cook our salmon."
"Oh my. What lucky duckies..."
"Yeah. Gosh, I'm so tempted to build a fire and cook my salmon... but they confiscated all matches, lighters, and other fish-burning paraphernalia."

No answer. No Sympathy.

"Maybe a fish can also be cooked using body heat... *rubs on forehead*"
"Haha... attractive."

Rules of the Fish Artillery Academy:

1. Students must wear their herring-hats at all times. Any student caught with herring-hats disjointed from head will be severely punished. 2. No matches, lighters, portable heaters, or any other form of fish-cooking paraphernalia will be allowed within 300 ft. of the campus. Any student caught cooking a fish without permission from the headmaster will be tarred and feathered, for cooking a fish is a mortal sin. 3. Any student caught cheating will be used as a test subject for experimental fish artillery weapons. 4. Grading is as follows:
A- 3 buckets of salmon.
B- 2 buckets of okay-tasting fish.
C- Half a bucket of day-old goldfish.
D- A rotting fish head.
F- Execution.

5. The school mascot- a taxidermy catfish in a glass case, displayed in the main hall, will prayed to three times a day- at morning, at lunch, and at dusk. On Saturdays, offerings of clam chowder will be given by candle light at his alter. Oh, and he will be addressed as "Old Wise One".
6. Applying for honor roll has... certain benefits. To apply, report to the main office and fill out a form. A period of two days is given for the student to make any last goodbyes to friends and/or family members.

Honor Roll Selection Process:
The student will be taken by plane to the wilderness and set loose within a series of survival courses, which may or may not contain any of the following: quicksand, alligators, plague-ridden chimpanzees, savage cannibal tribes, or any of the traps featured in the Saw movies, such as, but not limited to, the pit of needles and tunnels of barbed wire.

If a student makes it back to the air craft alive within 24 hours, they are escorted back to campus and are placed before Old Wise One in a kiddie pool filled with water. The headmaster will stand before the pool, a plugged-in toaster in his/her hand, they will say,
"OLD WISE ONE, IS THIS CHILD WORTHY OF YOUR GRACE?"

And then a coin is flipped to determine your fate.

7. Any student caught:
A) mingling with a student from the Squid Ammunition School across the road, or B) considering to dropout
Will be escorted down to the COUNSELOR'S OFFICE for reprimanding. Students may or may not return with a fish branded into their left cheek as a mark of disgrace.
8. If a student is heard, seen, or even rumored to have thought ill thoughts towards Old Wise One or have spoken out against him or disgraced him in any way, shape, or form, they will be burned at the steak- yes, the steak as in the steak that you eat, during the next pep assembly.
9. DRESS CODE:
Students are forbidden to wear the color purple, for Old Wise One dislikes the color purple with a great hatred. And student caught wearing purple will also have a fish branded into their skin, only this time, onto the soles of their feet so it hurts to walk.

OH BOY!
SIGN ME UP! :D