Escape from the Fish Artillery Academy, Part 3.

ESCAPE FROM THE FISH ARTILLERY ACADEMY.

Texting Betsey Again-
Even LATER hours of the night....

Me= Purple.
Betsey= Red.
Balooga Whale= Blue.


Me- "At the Fish Artillery Academy, if you consider dropping out, they brand a fish into your cheek."
Betsey- "Oh god. I sure hope you know for sure that you're staying there."
"Don't worry, Betsey! It's been my dream ever since an hour ago! Of course I'm not going to change my mind. I'm leaving for the academy tonight."
"Does your mother know?"
"Ha. Um. She thinks I'm going to the mall. But she might not notice if I'm gone for a little longer, say, a year or so."
"Oh, of course. That's perfect."

LATER THAT NIGHT....

"BETSEY BETSEY! YOU'VE GOT TO GET ME OUT OF HERE! THEY WANT ME TO GIVE MY TOES TO OLD WISE ONE AS A SACRIFICE...."
"Tell them you're worshipping someone else."
"BUT THEY'LL BRAND ME, BETSEY- they'll brand me... WITH THE MARK OF THE FISH!" D:
"If you worship someone else? Well then. We'll just have to see about them converting MY followers...."
"So you'll rescue me, then? and burn it to the ground with your magic god powers? :D You better hurry... they're coming back with a whip."
"I hope you run. I'm flooding it in three minutes."

D:

"...but there's quicksand and savages and pits of needles and blahbumps...[t9 accident] I mean, alligators... beyond the fence!"
"Well, you better get out of there."
"....the front door is jammed."

No answer. No Sympathy.

"....did someone leave the kitchen sink running?"
"I don't know. The door shouldn't be jammed anymore."
"...I wish I'd have known that before I got stuck in the window."
"Can't help you there."
"OH NO... and it's too late to DIET! MY BUTT HAS ME TRAPPED! D: ...why does my backside suddenly feel wet? ...OH NO, THE FLOOD, IT'S-" *water breaks window*
"There you go."
"*gurgle gurgle*"

No answer. No sympathy.

"I can't swim...."
"I just sent you a floatie."

" :D OHMIGAWD! AND IT'S A DUCK! Thaaaank you! ...why, hello there Mister Alligator, how are you toda-" *SNAP!POP*
"No no. Your duck isn't popable. And that alligator is now a balooga whale."
"BAH-LOOOO-GAH! :D and that wasn't my duck. It was my head. Also, the balooga is refusing to give me a ride home."
"He better not."
"He says I'll get his back all muddy, and he has a date to get to, and he doesn't have time for this crap."
"Tell him I said he has to give you a ride."

"...he says he wants to talk to you personally about this. Should I put him on?"
"Yeah."

Whale- "BET-SAY, GIRLLL, I GOT NO TIME FO DIS CRAP! I got me a HOT DATE tonight, and DAMN girl, is she FINE! Can I just leave the short one? She'll float to shore eventually..."
"...I'll get your date over to the shoreline. So you two can meet. She'll think more of you for it."
"Throw in a bottle of pink champagne and you got yourself a deal. Oh, and a box of trojans. And by trojans I mean the army, not the condoms. For a midnight snack."
"I'll go for the trojans. But pink champagne is too much."

"How bout a bed on the beach? For some WHHHAAAALE LOVIN? and by whale lovin I mean for a good night's sleep after the tiring journey. Bitch no gettin in MY bed, oh HAIIIL no!"
"If you don't want the trojans."

*moment of intense thinking*

"...damn girl. I might have to think about this one."
"hurry up, or you'll be late."
"....OH NO OH NO. Um, just outta curiousity, what did your little friend look like again? Did she look like a duck floatie? Because that's all that's there..."
"Oh my god... She should show up soon."
"....She just went riding by on Nessie."

"Okay. Just throw her the floatie and go find your date."
"Thank you, Master Bet-Say! wish me luck, on getting lucky. and by getting lucky I mean that she'll pay for dinner. I could eat a village, dawg!"
"Haha, weird."

One Hour Later....

"BETSEY GIRL GUESS WHAT? She's PAYING, girl! I ordered one of everything! So did your little friend ever get home?"
"...I don't know. I sort of expected you to give her phone back too."
"Oh no, oh damn girl, this ain't good. WAITER, BRING MY BITCH SOME NAPKINS, SHE GONNA NEED EM'! What? Don't look at me like that, you got kelp all ova yo face."
"You're rude."
"Are you kiddin'? She don't mind. She know where her place is."
"Wow..."
"Hey girl, yo short friend just walked in with the Loch Ness Monster, and they holdin hands and getting a table. ...BITCH, I SAID WIPE YO FACE BEFORE I SMACK IT!"

"You're terrible."
"I don't know, I sure score a lot. And by score, I mean in the sense that I play football."
"Haha, give the phone to my little friend."
"Will do girl. I'm gonna go home and watch TV. And by watching TV I mean having sex."
"Lovely."

"BETSEY! I finally met the Loch Ness monster and he asked me out to dinner! :D I'm getting... Hmm. All they serve here is kelp and salted kelp."
"I heard. What's the restraunt?"
"It's called, 'Kelp and Salted Kelp Restraunt.'"
"Very creative."

"I got to go. Goodnight."
"Nighty Night. Nessie and I might go back to my place. To bake cookies."
"Let me know how that goes."

THE NEXT MORNING....

*sobbing* "BETSEY! We went back to my place to bake cookies together, and... IT WAS A GUY IN A SUIT ALL ALONG! It wasn't Nessie at all..." *Sobs*

No answer. No sympathy.

"And to think... we almost baked COOKIES together! Cookies, Betsey! COOKIES!"

"I'm sorry."
"oh god- Nessie, I LOVED YOU! By the way, on my way out of the restraunt, your whale friend told me my outfit made me look extra chubby today."
"He's kind of a butthead. So sorry."
"It's okay. His date matched the description of a wanted seriel killer that's been enticing men into her house and shanks them. So karma has the upper hand."

HOURS LATER. . .

"Hey, Betsey! :D I just found out about this great school called Squid Ammunition School. It's always been my dream to build squid-based weapons..."
"No, I think I'm not helping you out of one of those situations again..."
"But, Betsey-"

THE END.