"NO! my hedgehog!"

So, I used to take notes on the occurrences around me so I could make them into a blog later.
Sometimes, in frantic scribbling, these notes become indecipherable.
I found a handful of note book paper from when Draper and Betsey stayed the night, like, two freaking years ago or something.
I found it in an an extremely ancient purse buried in a closet so messy that nothing EVER returns from it. Aside from the purse, that is. And a really stale pack of chewing gum.
Did you know that gum goes bad after awhile?
Well. Now you do.
And just a word of advise?
Don't put anything you found buried under a pile of old clothes and garbage in your mouth, especially if two whole Christmases have past since it expired. :/
Anyway. here are the notes I found in the purse.
I have absolutely no clue what the holy hell was going on,
except that Betsey decided that Draper and I were her children.
Enjoy.

Put your arm down! I'll beat you!
You'll beat me anyway!
It's the silence, it's killing me!
Igor will have the shotgun in the morning.
I won't call you mother anymore!
*hits with foot rest*
Oh, the blood... Ohhhh!

Reminds me of deprivation and being locked in the freezer.
UPS.
See if they survive past the front door! The booby traps I set are the best.
You can't get it out of me, you old hag!
*stares*

I DON'T WANT TO EAT THE SOUP AGAIN!
You witch! she's a monster!
Her face peels back and she grows fangs and a goatee and walks around in a top hat with a cane, revealing herself for the monster she really is!
Satanic sex god powers!
Quick, get the hedgehog!
He was my only friend growing up...
NO! MY HEDGEHOG!

You'd realize that you have no real friends and that'll stop you because you can't screw so many people at one time!
FILL THE BATHTUB WITH PEPTO BISMAL!
Mother dearest... I SHALL KILL YOU!

You didn't care about my mental health when you LOCKED ME IN A SHED FILLED WITH DECAPITATED ANIMALS!
Ghoooostie, come here kitty... I'LL PUT YOU IN HER FACE! ALLERGIES! AHAHA!
I'll kill you like I killed the maid!
GRANDMA! NO, I LOVED YOU!

I'm very disappointed in myself, too...
The hedgehog- it was born with a desire for BLOOD!
SHE STABBED ME WITH A FORK, SHELBY! RIGHT THERE!

*mom walks by*
Mom- "No sexual activity in my house."
Draper- "TOO LATE, I'M ALREADY PREGNANT!"

All of them mended with stitches in unspeakable places...
That'll teach them to try to put things in MY mouth!
I'll just sit here while you STARVE!
I'll eat you FIRST!
Come here, mother dearest... I want a taste of HUMAN FLESH!
That's my ARMPIT! does it smell good?
Bite my biceps! THAT'LL TEACH YOU!
Come closer... I have a pillow to smother you with...
She wants me DEAD!

She's looking at me, those demon eyes...
I had a TAIL?
I always knew there was something missing!
Sister Shelby leaves the toilet seat up!
It's better than what YOU leave up...
What's that, now?
I've done nothing but PLEASED you!
...except when I tried to kill you.

...Um. So. Yeah.
My friends are freaks.
And I love them to death. :D